Etymologically, “bulimia” comes from the Greek bous (meaning “ox”) and limos (meaning “hunger”).  One with bulimia is said to have the appetite of an ox. 

Wait… appetite of an ox?  Ohhhh, I get it.  People with bulimia have the desire to eat grass.

I’m going to have a little fun with this one.  This theory is both insane and ingenious:

The Simulation Hypothesis is so much fun to think about (at least for me).  Nick Bostrom, director of the Future of Humanity Institute at Oxford University, proposes a theory that claims that our life as we know it is nothing more than a computer simulation.  Basically, we are all just living in a more advanced “Sims” game inside a supercomputer of one of our future descendants.  It can be a bit confusing. 

Ok, think about how much technology has advanced in the past 100 years.  What about the past 20 years?  What about the past 10 years?  Nowadays, almost everyone carries around a pocket-sized, all-in-one camera/computer/music player/cell phone.  Technology is advancing exponentially.  Imagine how advanced computers will be in 50 years or 500 years.  In the future, computers will become so advanced that our future descendants will have enough computer power and programming skills to be able to create “ancestor simulations.”  These would be simulations of the simulators’ ancestors (i.e. people who are alive now).  The simulation world would be detailed enough for the simulated minds to be conscious and have the same lived experiences.  It could happen in 50 years or 10 million years, either way it wouldn’t matter to us (the ones who are living the simulation).  Bostrom supports his hypothesis by claiming at least 1 of the follow 3 things must be true:

1. The future civilization never attains the technology to run simulations (perhaps because it self-destructs before reaching that stage).

2. When people do reach that level of technological development, these posthumans decide not to run the simulations.

3. We are living a computer simulation.

It’s all very scary, exciting, and philosophical.   With thinking like that, it’s impossible to prove we are not living a simulation inside a computer of our “God” who happens to be a geeky, zit-faced dude living in his mom’s basement.

However, the argument is also infinite.  Supporting Bostrom’s argument, the geeks, who are simulating our lives, must also be living in a simulated world, under the control of even more advanced technology.  This goes on to infinity.

If you read this entire thing, thank you.  Obviously the person controlling your simulation wanted you to have a boring day.

The koala is one of the few mammals, other than primates, to have fingerprints.  Their fingerprints are very similar to human fingerprints.  According to an infamously dubious, free, online encyclopedia, human and koala fingerprints are so similar that “even with an electron microscope it can be quite difficult to distinguish between the two.”

Crime Scene Investigator: Here’s the gun from the murder scene.

Forensic Scientist: Thanks.  Once I just take a look at this gun with my trusty electron microscope, I will be able to pinpoint the killer immediately.

Looks in electron microscope.

Forensic Scientist: I see the prints.  It looks like I’ve narrowed it down to two suspects.  But it’s quite difficult to distinguish between the two, even with my electron microscope.

LATER:

Behind one-way glass, a witness looks at the two suspects in a police line-up.  A 46 year-old man with a history of violence and drug addiction …and…  a 25-pound koala with a pouch full of revenge.

I was perusing an etymological dictionary, and, like an 8-year old, I immediately looked up the word “penis.”  I haven’t changed at all.  I remember when I was younger I would look up the word “sex” in every dictionary I  could get my hands on (if I had a time machine I would go back in time and stuff child-me in a locker).  Anyway, “sex” was always next to some picture of a “sewing machine.”  That led to years of confusion.

As for the fact…well, the etymological dictionary told me that the proper plural for penis is “penes.”

I would hate to be the guy that had a reason to make the plural of that word.  Or would I love to be that guy… 

That’s all I got to say about that.

A Catch-22 refers to an unsolvable logical dilemma.  The phrase comes from Joseph Heller’s 1961 novel “Catch-22.”  The number 22 has no significance.  Heller originally intended to call it “Catch-18,” but this was rejected by his publisher for being too similar to the title of another recently published war novel.  “Catch-11” was also proposed and rejected, due to its similarity to the film “Ocean’s Eleven” which was released in 1960.  “Catch-17” was then also rejected for similar reasons.  “Catch-14” was rejected because the publisher didn’t think 14 was a “funny number.”  If I were Joseph Heller, I would have just given up.  Clearly, there was no way he would win this battle with his publisher.

Just when I started to think mullets were the best/worst thing ever, someone reminded me of the Furby.  He didn’t say anything about the Furby.  I didn’t even talk to him.  He just looked like a Furby.  If you don’t remember Furbies, google them.  Anyway, I remember about 10 years ago hearing about how some intelligence agencies banned Furbies from their offices, fearing that the Furbies would hear something top-secret and then start repeating it.  I remember back in 1999 I thought: Dang, my Furby must be dumber than other Furbies.  He doesn’t do anything useful.  Now in 2010, I am thinking: Any person that brings a Furby to the office should not be working in an intelligence agency.

In 1942, duct tape was invented to seal ammunition cases during World War II.  Many etymologists believe that it was originally “duck” tape, stemming from its similar appearance to cotton duck, which is known as canvas for people outside the textile business.  I am not in the textile business, which is known as the “rag trade” in the UK and Australia.  I don’t remember what my original fact was.

The monster Godzilla first appeared in a 1954 Japanese film called “Gojira.”  The name Godzilla is the anglicized form of Gojira, which is a combination of two Japanese words: gorira (gorilla) and kujira (whale).  This is fitting because, in the early stages of the film’s production, Godzilla was described as “a cross between a gorilla and a whale.”

A cross between a gorilla and a whale?  What an odd and useless creature. I can imagine the script:

Man 1: Watch out for Godzilla!

Man 2: Why?

Man 1: Because it’s a mix between a gorilla and a whale!

Man 2: So…It’s a super endangered species?

Man 1: No, it’s a mix between two giant things.

Man 2: Yeah.  But it’s probably extremely awkward and worthless on land and water…Sounds kinda hilarious actually.  Let’s go poke it with a stick.

It has been brought to my attention that there’s a new fad diet: the baby food diet.  But this diet isn’t meant for babies.  It’s meant for fat adults.  Or even adults that just want to lose a few pounds.  The diet is pretty self-explanatory.  You stock up on some jars of Gerber, and eat one when you get hungry.  They are low calorie, and have lots of vitamins and other stuff.  But just wait one second. We can’t overlook the fact that this is the stupidest thing ever.  Just eat an apple.  Or a banana.  Or a piece of bread.  Or anything, just eat less of it.  Don’t look like a creep and walk around eating baby food.  Most people strive to lose weight to improve their images (the health benefit is just an added bonus).  In my mind, nothing hurts your image more than a grown man or woman slurping down some baby food.  It’s culinary pedophilia.  I don’t care if it’s convenient.  A baby’s diaper is convenient.  Why don’t we just all wear diapers around?  That may make you lose weight, because you’ll be scared of the consequences of eating.

Stupid Hollywood!

I love discovering how particular phrases and words are coined.  Wait.  Coined?  “Coining” in the sense of creation, as in “to coin a phrase,” derives from the creation of monetary coins by stamping metal with a die…  Because every time someone makes up a new word or phrase, that person is stamping the word with a die.

And every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings…and is stamped with a metal die.

I honestly don’t know what I’m saying.  This is one of those posts that makes me laugh, but I really know it shouldn’t.

Stetson helped popularize the “ten gallon” hat, but that doesn’t help me understand why these cowboy hats are considered ten gallon.  There are two common explanations.  The first, which is likely false, is that it refers to the hat’s ability to hold water (however, a real “ten gallon” hat only holds about three quarts).  The most widely accepted theory is that it is a language mix-up.  Cowboy hats came to Texas by way of Mexico.  In Spanish, galón means “braid.”  Some vaqueros wore as many as ten braids on their hats.  Do you realize how stupid everyone would look if the cowboy hats held 10 gallons of water?  Well, not everybody…most people don’t wear cowboy hats.  But if we did it, it would be like walking around with water-cooler jugs on our heads.  

The first TV show to use a laugh track was the sitcom The Hank McCune Show in 1950.  I hate laugh tracks so much.  Usually, I don’t notice them.  But when I do, it’s the worst thing ever.  I really hate when the “audience” oohs and aaahs about some on-screen kiss.  Who are these people!?

Am I right, or am I right?

Oh man, I really wish there was some kind of literary laugh track…

(hahahahahahahahahahahahaha)

In the United States, the AWWA and the NFPA recommend painting the top of fire hydrants different colors depending on the available flow of water.  I did not look up what those acronyms stand for, but I trust them.  Anyway, from strongest water flow to weakest, the colors go from light blue, green, orange, and red.  If you live in a neighborhood with a fire hydrant that has a light blue bonnet, congrats! You are a badass!

Generally, in the United States, a hill becomes a mountain once it reaches 2000 feet (~610 meters).  Ultimately, though, it depends on who you ask.  If you ask me, I will tell you 2000 feet is the cut-off between a hill and a mountain…. as I have already told you.

“The nose print of a dog is like the fingerprint of a person – no two are alike. Get a good relief and you can identify your dog by the mark it leaves behind!” 

I’m guessing your dog’s face will help you distinguish your dog too. Or maybe its general appearance or its collar…  Maybe this fact is supposed to help me track my dog…or help the police if my dog committed a crime or something.  But I would have to rely on the fact that he used his nose to shoot a gun.  Wow!  I can identify my dog by “the mark it leaves behind!”  I don’t know about you, but my dog doesn’t walk around with ink on its nose pressing it up against things.  Or shooting people.