Cell phones cannot cause cancer. Only x-rays, UV light, and gamma rays are strong enough to break the covalent chemical bonds in your body.
But if you use a cell phone will getting x-rayed, or tanning, or floating around near a quasar, yeah, I guess you could get cancer.
Etymologically “hamstring” comes from “ham” (the fat behind the knee) and “string” (a tendon). It’s all highly medical, science jargon. I can barely understand it.
Sternutation is a fancy word for sneezing.
Mastication is a fancy word for chewing.
Masturbation is a sin.
Until the seventeenth century, hysteria referred to a medical condition in females that was thought to be caused by disturbances of the uterus. In Greek, hystera means “uterus.”
I think it still exists.
In the early 1800s, the Fugate family (better known as the “Blue” Fugates) lived in the hills of Kentucky… and many of them were blue. Some of the family members possessed a hereditary genetic error called methemoglobinemia, which causes the blood to have reduced oxygen levels. With lower oxygen levels, arterial blood that is typically red is instead brown. In Caucasians, brown blood gives the skin a bluish hue.
I doubt the Fugates, though blue, even make it into the top 10 freakiest hereditary mutations to come out of the hills of Kentucky.
The caruncula is the tiny little pink thing in the corner of your eye.
It’s probably my sexiest body part.
So, just when I thought it would be awesome to be Priapus (the Greek fertility god of yesterday’s post, who wielded a constant woody), I learned about the medical condition named after him: priapism. Priapism is the painful condition in which the erect penis fails to return to its flaccid state within four hours, despite the absence of physical or psychological stimuli.
Priapism can create a blood clot in the penis which could lead to impotence or erectile dysfunction.
I’m pretty sure if I were Priapus, I would settle for erectile dysfunction. At least that way you could live a normal life. Or in Priapus’s case, you wouldn’t have to worry about birds landing on it.
Priapus was a minor fertility god in Greek mythology. He was well known for having a permanent erection. In this picture, he is casually weighing a bag of gold against his penis.
I don’t really need to say anything else.
The prescription symbol Rx originated in medieval manuscripts as an abbreviation of the Late Latin verb recipe, which was the command form of recipere (“to take”).
There are also some nutty theories about the symbol being connected to Egyptian mythology and symbology, specifically the Eye of Horus. We should take these theories with a grain of salt, as we can infer that these theorists spend a lot of time around prescription pills.
Post-micturition convulsion syndrome is the fancy nerdy name for pee shivers, the weird spinal tingle that most guys and a good portion of women get after peeing. There is still no definite scientific explanation for the phenomenon. Apparently scientists are wasting too much time trying to cure cancer and AIDS and things like that.
In the United States and Canada, the male-to-female ratio of nurses is roughly 1:19.
Those guys must get so many girls!
Recent research has looked at our neurological wiring that makes us feel pain (both physical and emotional). The anterior cingulate cortex is a part of the brain that produces the painful feelings of social rejection, as well as the emotional component of physical pain. Researchers have conducted experiments which have shown that people who take a mild painkiller, like Tylenol, have a weaker reaction to feelings of rejection than people who were given placebos. One study also showed that acetaminophen reduced indecisiveness when confronted with a moral dilemma.
I take 14 Tylenols every time I post on here. Then I don’t feel as bad about all of my posts that are tagged “stupid.”
I am going to tag this one “stupid.”
Then call poison control.
Paronomasia is the fancy word for a pun. A pun is intentional wordplay, unlike a malapropism (see yesterday’s post). An eggcorn is in the same family as the pun and malapropism, but differs slightly from both. One example of an eggcorn would be mistakenly saying “old-timers’ disease,” instead of “Alzheimer’s disease.” But unlike a malapropism where the new sentence is nonsensical, an eggcorn still makes a little sense, as is the case with Alzheimer’s… The linguistic example, of course. Not the actual disease…
According to a series of novels released in the 1960s, Barbie’s full name is Barbie Millicent Roberts. In recent years, Barbie’s slim frame has caused quite the controversy. Some say Barbie’s slender physique will cause young girls to become anorexic. Scientists (with way too much time) have determined Barbie’s measurements relative to a real-life human. According to research by the University Central Hospital in Finland, Ms. Roberts would lack the 17 to 22 percent body fat required for a woman to menstruate. According to research done by every 8-year-old boy ever, Barbie lacks any organs that would allow menstruation to occur in the first place.
Thank god.
Stendhal Syndrome is an illness where the affected individual feels confused or light-headed to the point of fainting or even hallucinating upon seeing beautiful artwork. The syndrome is named after a French author Henri-Marie Beyle, who used Stendhal as a pseudonym. He apparently witnessed the phenomenon when he was visiting Italian art museums. Judging by the portrait of Stendhal, I doubt he caused any fainting. In fact, if Stendhal did feel light-headed, it’s probably because his giant noggin was being supported by that atrocious chinstrap.
I’m sorry for tearing into Stendhal so much. I have nothing against him. I’m just jealous that I don’t have a syndrome named after me.
