To conserve oxygen, blue whales can slow their heart rate down to 4 beats per minute.

Why don’t they just breathe?  Are they really that busy?

The “fact” that a sleeping person will swallow 8 spiders a year is completely false.   The “fact” was invented in 1993 by Lisa Holst as a way to prove how people will believe anything they read on the internet.

People like her really make it hard for me to keep lying to you all.

In the 17th century, there was a game very similar to “jacks” called “dibstones.”  However, back then, the players used sheep’s knuckles instead of those little metal trinkets.

Apparently sheep had hands in the 17th century.

Unlike nocturnal creatures, which are active at night, or diurnal creatures, which are active during the day, crepuscular creatures are active at dawn and at dusk.  Ferrets, dogs, cats, rabbits, and old people are all crepuscular.

Opossums don’t actually play dead.  They just get too excited and pass out.

Opossums just got more worthless. 

In addition to striped fur, tigers also have striped skin.

This was the hardest fact of the year for me.

Have you ever tried to shave a tiger?

The Jesus fish that you see on the back of cars is called the Ichthys (Greek for “fish”).  ICHTHYS is an acrostic (see yesterday’s post) for “Jesus Christ, God’s son, savior” (transliterated from the Greek text). 

It would have been funnier if the acrostic spelled “penguin” or “giraffe” or “corn.”  I would put one of those on my car.

The eagle feather law states that only people of certifiable Native American ancestry can obtain an eagle feather, as it’s important for religious or spiritual use.  For a non-Native American, an individual could be fined $25,000 for possessing an eagle or “eagle parts.”

My religion says I don’t have to pay for fines.  I hope that works.

It is rare for a Venus flytrap to catch more than three prey in its lifetime.

I’ve been living in fear for nothing!

“Arctic” comes from the Greek arktos (“bear”), due to the northern status of the the Big Dipper constellation (aka the Big Bear).

I wish science was still based on animism and astrology!  I could be such a good scientist.

There were a bunch of really boring, scientific differences between monkeys and apes, but the easiest way to tell them apart is to just look at their butts.

Monkeys have tails, apes don’t have tails.

This one seems so played out in movies.  The nerdy scientist/animal-lover guy always reminds the no-nonsense military boss that they aren’t “monkeys,” they’re “apes.” 

For instance, an animal escapes from the zoo with top-secret government info:

FBI Chief:  So you’re tellin’ me the stupid monkey just walked off with the briefcase?!

Scientist/Zoo-Keeper:  Actually, it was an ape, sir.  And they are very smart…

FBI Chief: I don’t care what it was.  Find the damn thing!

They do it with dolphins too:

FBI Chief:  So you’re sayin’ the stupid fish just swam off with the briefcase?!

Scientist/Zoo-Keeper: Actually, it was a dolphin, sir.  They are mammals and very smart…

FBI Chief: I don’t care what it was.  Find the damn thing!

Every one knows dolphins aren’t fish!  In real life, that’s about as stupid as someone saying this:

FBI Chief: So, you’re sayin’ a little toddler started the car and drove off with the briefcase!?

Scientist: Actually, it was a midget, sir.  They are very smart…

FBI Chief: I don’t care who it was.  Find the damn thing!

Freshwater fish use osmosis to drink water, that is, they absorb the water through their skin.  Saltwater fish actively drink water through their mouths so their gills can remove the salt.   Salmon can do both, because they are both freshwater and saltwater fish.

And that’s why salmon are the best.

The word “scapegoat” is rooted in mistranslations.  Originally, Greek writers mistranslated the Hebrew word ‘azazel (likely the proper name of a demon in Hebrew mythology, perhaps related to Canaanite deity Aziz).  Instead, the Greek translators read it as ‘ezozel (“the goat that departs”).  This was then translated into Latin as basically “emissary goat” and eventually “(e)scape goat.”

I blame the Greeks.  We should all blame the Greeks for messing up the word scapegoat.

The idiomatic expression used to explain sex, “the birds and the bees,” is said to first appear in a Samuel Coleridge poem in 1825.  However, even earlier, Shakespeare mentions the copulating creatures in King Lear. 

Let me tell you something though; the way birds and bees have sex is neither pleasurable nor possible when dealing with humans. 

Trust me.

Maurice Sendak designed the monsters in his book, “Where The Wild Things Are,” as caricatures of his aunts and uncles.  The original concept of the book featured horses.  But Sendak had trouble drawing horses so he resorted to monsters.

Thank god.  How boring would that be?  

A farm.   That’s where the wild things would have been.