A Snapple cap just told me that ‘Americans, on average, eat 18 acres of pizza a day.’   I maybe, maybe eat about 1 acre of pizza a day, definitely not 18.  I want them to bring me to this forest of pizza that we fatties are depleting so badly.  SAVE OUR PIZZA ACREAGE!

I had to check out the competition, just to see how I’m doing.  I felt a lot better after I stumbled upon this gem of a ’fact’:  “Ostriches are often not taken seriously. They can run faster than horses, and the males can roar like lions.”       …Ostriches are often not taken seriously….  that’s a fact?  Did someone conduct a poll that asked, “Do you take ostriches seriously? Yes or No.”  I can imagine some guy thinking:  Gee, I take a lot of animals seriously.  I respect them, value their opinions, and base their worth off of how fast they can run and how loud they can roar.  But I don’t think an ostrich scores high in those departments.  So I don’t take them seriously.   Why does this guy’s fact website try to bring horses and lions down to the level of the ostrich.  

P.S. The American Quarter Horse can reach speeds of 50 mph.  The ostrich did not take the time trial seriously, and was disqualified.

Gelotology is the study of laughter and its effects on humans.  Laughing has many known health benefits.  It is said that laughing can lower levels of stress hormones as well as strengthen the immune system.  Also, laughing can dilate blood vessels and increase blood flow.  And here’s where it gets stupid.  I read on some dumbass random fact website that the average 6 year-old laughs on average 300 times a day, while adults only laugh 15 to 100 times a day.  That’s such crap for so many reasons:

1. What scientist followed a bunch of 6 year olds around and tallied how many times they laughed?  Those people should not be allowed around schools.

2. When’s the last time a 6 year-old did anything useful?  (No offense to my 1st grade readers)

3. How do you count a laugh?  How can you distinguish between one very long laugh, and an unrelated laugh?

4. Which adults make up our sample population?  Did we get really serious adults?  Who would agree to do a study like this?  I know exactly who… Sad people who need to make 10 bucks participating in a psych experiment with a weird clown/scientist for a day.  These people don’t laugh.

5. It would become maniacal if adults just walked around laughing all the time.  It would totally take away from things that are actually funny.  It would be humor inflation.

6. What’s this study saying, that children have better blood flow?

7. I like how children laugh on average 300 times a day.  While adults get the “15-100” times a day range.  Real specific…

That is why I hate pseudoscience and random fact websites.  Except for mine.