There were a bunch of really boring, scientific differences between monkeys and apes, but the easiest way to tell them apart is to just look at their butts.

Monkeys have tails, apes don’t have tails.

This one seems so played out in movies.  The nerdy scientist/animal-lover guy always reminds the no-nonsense military boss that they aren’t “monkeys,” they’re “apes.” 

For instance, an animal escapes from the zoo with top-secret government info:

FBI Chief:  So you’re tellin’ me the stupid monkey just walked off with the briefcase?!

Scientist/Zoo-Keeper:  Actually, it was an ape, sir.  And they are very smart…

FBI Chief: I don’t care what it was.  Find the damn thing!

They do it with dolphins too:

FBI Chief:  So you’re sayin’ the stupid fish just swam off with the briefcase?!

Scientist/Zoo-Keeper: Actually, it was a dolphin, sir.  They are mammals and very smart…

FBI Chief: I don’t care what it was.  Find the damn thing!

Every one knows dolphins aren’t fish!  In real life, that’s about as stupid as someone saying this:

FBI Chief: So, you’re sayin’ a little toddler started the car and drove off with the briefcase!?

Scientist: Actually, it was a midget, sir.  They are very smart…

FBI Chief: I don’t care who it was.  Find the damn thing!

So, just when I thought it would be awesome to be Priapus (the Greek fertility god of yesterday’s post, who wielded a constant woody), I learned about the medical condition named after him: priapism.  Priapism is the painful condition in which the erect penis fails to return to its flaccid state within four hours, despite the absence of physical or psychological stimuli.

Priapism can create a blood clot in the penis which could lead to impotence or erectile dysfunction.

I’m pretty sure if I were Priapus, I would settle for erectile dysfunction.  At least  that way you could live a normal life.  Or in Priapus’s case, you wouldn’t have to worry about birds landing on it.

“Barbarian” comes to us from Latin via the same Greek root (Barbaros, meaning “foreign, strange, ignorant”) as the name “Barbara.”    Well, the stem of the Greek Barbaros is “barbar.”   “Barbar” echoed the perceived sound of foreign languages.  The Greeks thought everything the foreign, uncultured people (barbarians) said sounded like “barbarbarbarbarbarbarbar.” 

The foreigners sound more like alcoholics to me.  Bar bar bar bar

Or maybe they sound like Pokemon(s) who keep repeating their names.

Also, I keep thinking of Babar the Elephant.  But I shouldn’t be.

Paronomasia is the fancy word for a pun.  A pun is intentional wordplay, unlike a malapropism (see yesterday’s post).  An eggcorn is in the same family as the pun and malapropism, but differs slightly from both.  One example of an eggcorn would be mistakenly saying “old-timers’ disease,” instead of “Alzheimer’s disease.” But unlike a malapropism where the new sentence is nonsensical, an eggcorn still makes a little sense, as is the case with Alzheimer’s… The linguistic example, of course.  Not the actual disease…

The MPAA (the Motion Picture Association of America) is the organization in charge of giving movies their ratings in the US.  G- and R-ratings have been in use since 1968, PG since 1972, PG-13 since 1984, and NC-17 since 1990.  Over time X-rated movies became synonymous with pornography, even though that wasn’t always the case.  For this reason, the MPAA adopted the NC-17 rating so it wouldn’t unjustly associate films with pornography.  Though nowadays, X-rated pretty much means pornography. 

I remember back in elementary school, when kids used to brag about their parents allowing them to watch PG-13 movies or even R-rated movies.  This one girl took things a little further by bragging that her dad let her watch X-rated movies.  She may have been cool in 4th grade.  But now I just feel creeped out.

Automaker Henry Ford was the only American mentioned in Hitler’s Mein Kampf.  Hitler admired many of Ford’s theories about auto-making and also some anti-semitic articles that were published under Ford’s name in a weekly newspaper The Dearborn Independent.  In 1924, Hitler even sent a representative to Ford’s house to ask him for a contribution to the Nazi movement.  Ford declined.  Once his anti-semitic views became more widely known, Ford retracted many of his statements.  In 1927, he issued a public apology, and history text books pretty much swept it all under the rug. 

On another note, Henry Ford was also a big proponent of hiring the handicapped (I sincerely hope it wasn’t an act of exploitation).  In 1919, more than 20% of  Ford’s employees had some form of disability.

That’s very respectable.  And also something you don’t really want to hear coming from your car company.

People steal street signs.  It’s what we do.  But it can be quite irresponsible. Each street sign in the United States generally costs between $100 and $500 to replace.  That doesn’t bother me so much.  As long as you don’t steal a stop sign or something like that.  In one particular instance, some doofus stole a stop sign, which eventually led to a fatal traffic accident.  The doofus was found guilty of manslaughter.  I feel like stealing stop signs is pretty dang stupid.  People should stick to just stealing “High Street” or “‘Whatever Your Girlfriend’s Name Is’ Street.”  There’s my PSA.

But, the reason I started thinking about this was because I passed an interesting sign today:  “CAUTION: DEAF PERSON IN AREA.”   I’ve seen similar signs, but never with such awkward wording.  The sign made it seem like a deaf person was going to sneak up behind me and break my neck or something.  They need to be more sensitive.  That way I won’t immediately think:  DEAF PEOPLE: SILENT KILLERS.

I need to be more sensitive, too.

Etymologically, “bulimia” comes from the Greek bous (meaning “ox”) and limos (meaning “hunger”).  One with bulimia is said to have the appetite of an ox. 

Wait… appetite of an ox?  Ohhhh, I get it.  People with bulimia have the desire to eat grass.