The word “stroke”, in the medical sense (as in apoplectic seizure), is a shortening of what was originally “The Stroke of God’s Hand.”  You would think the Stroke of God’s Hand would be a little less miserable than that.

The monster Godzilla first appeared in a 1954 Japanese film called “Gojira.”  The name Godzilla is the anglicized form of Gojira, which is a combination of two Japanese words: gorira (gorilla) and kujira (whale).  This is fitting because, in the early stages of the film’s production, Godzilla was described as “a cross between a gorilla and a whale.”

A cross between a gorilla and a whale?  What an odd and useless creature. I can imagine the script:

Man 1: Watch out for Godzilla!

Man 2: Why?

Man 1: Because it’s a mix between a gorilla and a whale!

Man 2: So…It’s a super endangered species?

Man 1: No, it’s a mix between two giant things.

Man 2: Yeah.  But it’s probably extremely awkward and worthless on land and water…Sounds kinda hilarious actually.  Let’s go poke it with a stick.

Stetson helped popularize the “ten gallon” hat, but that doesn’t help me understand why these cowboy hats are considered ten gallon.  There are two common explanations.  The first, which is likely false, is that it refers to the hat’s ability to hold water (however, a real “ten gallon” hat only holds about three quarts).  The most widely accepted theory is that it is a language mix-up.  Cowboy hats came to Texas by way of Mexico.  In Spanish, galón means “braid.”  Some vaqueros wore as many as ten braids on their hats.  Do you realize how stupid everyone would look if the cowboy hats held 10 gallons of water?  Well, not everybody…most people don’t wear cowboy hats.  But if we did it, it would be like walking around with water-cooler jugs on our heads.  

“Scot” is a Scandinavian word for tax or payment.  “Scot free” just referred to someone not paying taxes.  So, if you don’t pay taxes you’ll be getting away scot free, in the literal sense.  It’s unlikely that you’ll get away from the government scot free.

The most hilarious planet, Uranus, is named after the Greek god of the sky, Ouranos.  On this astronomy website, several astronomers discussed the pronunciation of the planet.  Dr. Pamela Gay notes, “The safest way, the way that’s least likely to get us made fun of by any small children is to say Uranus (UR-uh-nis), but there’s also the famous ur-ANUS way of saying it.”  I wonder how Dr. Gay pronounces her last name to avoid getting made fun of by the said small children.

This one comes up a lot in conversation around me.  Apparently, I am extremely territorial and materialistic.

A copyright is a form of protection given to authors for their original literary, dramatic, musical, artistic, and/or other published or unpublished intellectual works.  The 1976 Copyright Act gives the author exclusive rights to the copyrighted work.  A copyright only protects forms of expression.  For example, a description of an invention can be copyrighted but it only protects other people from copying the description.  It would not give protection to the invention itself.

A trademark is a form of protection for a word, name, or symbol used to indicate a source of a good and to distinguish the actual product from others.  Trademarks prevent others from using similar symbols or logos, but do not prevent others from making the same product.

A patent gives the inventor a property right to his invention.  In the US, a typical patent lasts 20 years, and prohibits anyone from replicating, using, or selling the invention in the US.

This website is copyrighted to prevent others from using my posts to get rich.  Because if it wasn’t copyrighted, people would definitely be getting rich off this.  I know I am.

No, I’m not.  But suing someone over copyright infringement may lead to money.  Fingers crossed!

In Old English, the word “man” simply refereed to the human race regardless of gender.  The word wer meant adult male, as seen today in “werewolf.”  Wif was the word for an adult female.  The word “woman” derives from wifman, which just meant “female human.”  Also I’d like to mention that the word “female” is unrelated to the word “male,” which comes from the Latin masculus.  The word “female” comes from the Latin femella.  In the 14 century, the English spelling was altered so it paralleled the spelling of “male.” 

I am so sorry for all of the quotation marks and italics.  I have confused myself to the point where I didn’t learn anything.  I only got dumber today.

I’ve never really understood the saying, “you can’t have your cake and eat it too.”  Of course I can.  That’s what I do with my cake.  Apparently the confusion comes from a distortion of the original 1546 quote, “wolde you bothe eate your cake, and have your cake?”   The original saying meant, you can’t eat your cake and still possess a cake (because you ate it).  Clearly, cake was a philosopher’s nightmare in the 1500s.

Schrodinger’s cake.

So nerdy. 

The fact that English speakers pronounce “colonel” as “kernel” has always confused me.  The word derives from the Latin columnellus, meaning leader of a (military) column.  When the word entered the French language, we saw it portrayed in two different ways: colonel and coronel (perhaps thinking it was from the Latin corona, meaning crown).  “Coronel” spread to the United States before it was generally accepted to use “colonel” instead.  Eventually, “colonel” became the standard in written English, yet “coronel” stuck in the spoken language.  Thus, we have the pronunciation “kernel.”  This stupid word has brought me so much embarassment when reading aloud in elementary school and middle school….and high school…. and college…

The word “slogan” comes from the Gaelic words “sluagh” and “ghairm,” meaning “battle” and “cry.”  A sluagh-ghairm was a battle cry used by Scottish or Irish clans.  Using a slogan in today’s sense as a battle cry is way less intimidating.  A bunch of warriors running down a hill yelling “There are some things money can’t buy. For everything else, there’s Master Card!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” is not very terrifying.

If you think about it, the expression, “there is more than one way to skin a cat,” is pretty messed up.  I mean, who skins cats?  And why so many ways?  I couldn’t find a definite origin of the phrase.  In 1678, a variant of the idiom was first published as “there are more ways to kill a cat than by choking it with cream.”  That’s weird.  Also, Mark Twain used the quote a couple hundred years later.  It’s also been said that the saying comes from a gymnastics move called “skinning the cat,” but I don’t really buy it.  The only thing I do know is that skinning a cat is a harbinger of becoming a serial killer.

I hear people using “decimate” incorrectly a lot (why do people around me always want to talk about decimating things?).  To decimate would be to pick out and kill every tenth of the lot (from the Latin decimus meaning tenth).  So, bud, next time you want to tell me about how the forest by your house was decimated, you better show me some statistics. 

Back in the olden days, it seemed like every powerful man had a mistress on the side.  Nowadays there are plenty of successful, powerful women.  I would love to be a male mistress.  But what are male mistresses called?  I couldn’t find it anywhere.  The closest answer I got was “lover” but that’s really not the same thing.  It’s a shame sexism prevents all genders from being skanks.  I just want to be a “mister.”

Typical Tuesday.  Just perusing lists of names referring to groups of animals.  You know, like flock of seagulls or a pack of wolves.  But what if a bunch of domesticated cats approached me, and I wanted to tell people about it?  Apparently, it’s called a clowder of cats.  A coalition of cheetahs.  A mob of emus.  A business of ferrets (that sounds terrifying).  A charm of goldfinches.  A bloat of hippopotamuses.  A mischief of mice.  A gaze of raccoons.  A fever of stingrays.  A gulp of swallows.  Who names these?!  It’s gotta be so fun to name all of these.  But seriously, when will I ever come across a chain of bobolinks?  I can’t even recognize one bobolink! 

P.S.  It’s a bird.  CHAIN of BoboLINKS.   I want to name animals!

P.P.S. I have huge aspirations.

April Fools’ Day is celebrated in many countries across this foolish world.  In some more serious countries, the pranks end at noon and everyone who plays a trick after noon will be harshly labeled an “April Fool.”  In more fun-loving countries like the United States, the pranks continue all day. In France, April 1st is nicknamed Poisson d’Avril, or “April Fish.”  French children may tape an image of a fish on the back of one of their peers, shouting “Poisson d’Avril!” once the prank is revealed.  French children can be absolutely sinister.