Nazi Germany initiated the first public anti-smoking campaign in modern history.  Hitler smoked in his younger years, but unfortunately gave it up when he got older.  He viewed smoking as “the wrath of the red man against the white man, vengeance for having been given hard liquor.”  Could also be the highly addictive nicotine, but whatever.  Hitler expressed that “so many excellent men have been lost to tobacco poisoning.”  Wow, what a humanitarian.  Inversely, many cigarettes felt that too many good men had been lost to Hitler poisoning.

The slang phrase “going postal,” as in getting uncontrollably furious and violent, derives from tragic incidents involving United States Postal Service workers. Between 1986 and 1997, more than 40 people were murdered by spree killers in over 20 acts of workplace violence.  You know what hasn’t murdered 40 people?  E-mail.

The bikini was invented in 1946.  I don’t really understand how it was “invented” in 1946.  Could no one honestly figure this one out on their own?  Anyway, the “inventor” named the swimsuit after Bikini Atoll, the site of nuclear weapon tests earlier the same year.  I was at the beach this weekend.  As great as bikinis can be, there really is a fine line between a swimsuit and a weapon of mass destruction.

I’ve been reading a lot about sexual ethics, so forgive me if my past two posts have been in the same vein.  In early theories of how babies are made, semen was believed to carry a homunculus (Latin for “little human”).  This theory of preformationism was prevalent before we understood that both a man and woman are equally important in active procreation.  So, yeah, some philosophers and scientists actually believed semen contained a miniature, fully-formed human.  Once the homunculus was inside the woman, development was solely concerned with enlarging this miniature person.  How stupid is that!  Sounds so ridiculous.

But…if we would go back in time and tell them that semen really contained millions of tiny tadpole thingies… I think that would freak them out more.

“Tiny tadpole thingies” is the terminology they use in advanced college biology courses.  Trust me.

I was perusing an etymological dictionary, and, like an 8-year old, I immediately looked up the word “penis.”  I haven’t changed at all.  I remember when I was younger I would look up the word “sex” in every dictionary I  could get my hands on (if I had a time machine I would go back in time and stuff child-me in a locker).  Anyway, “sex” was always next to some picture of a “sewing machine.”  That led to years of confusion.

As for the fact…well, the etymological dictionary told me that the proper plural for penis is “penes.”

I would hate to be the guy that had a reason to make the plural of that word.  Or would I love to be that guy… 

That’s all I got to say about that.

A Catch-22 refers to an unsolvable logical dilemma.  The phrase comes from Joseph Heller’s 1961 novel “Catch-22.”  The number 22 has no significance.  Heller originally intended to call it “Catch-18,” but this was rejected by his publisher for being too similar to the title of another recently published war novel.  “Catch-11” was also proposed and rejected, due to its similarity to the film “Ocean’s Eleven” which was released in 1960.  “Catch-17” was then also rejected for similar reasons.  “Catch-14” was rejected because the publisher didn’t think 14 was a “funny number.”  If I were Joseph Heller, I would have just given up.  Clearly, there was no way he would win this battle with his publisher.

Just when I started to think mullets were the best/worst thing ever, someone reminded me of the Furby.  He didn’t say anything about the Furby.  I didn’t even talk to him.  He just looked like a Furby.  If you don’t remember Furbies, google them.  Anyway, I remember about 10 years ago hearing about how some intelligence agencies banned Furbies from their offices, fearing that the Furbies would hear something top-secret and then start repeating it.  I remember back in 1999 I thought: Dang, my Furby must be dumber than other Furbies.  He doesn’t do anything useful.  Now in 2010, I am thinking: Any person that brings a Furby to the office should not be working in an intelligence agency.

The mullet is undoubtedly one of the most painfully enchanting haircuts of all time.  There are hundreds of epithets for the mullet: “Business in the front, party in the back,” “The Tennessee Top Hat,” “The Kentucky Waterfall,” and my favorite “The Missouri Compromise,” to name just a few.  But the Oxford English Dictionary credits the term “mullet” to the Beastie Boys, and their 1994 song “Mullet Head.”  Just recently, in attempt to thwart westernization, the Iranian government issued a catalog of acceptable male haircuts.  The mullet has officially been banned.  Hmm… Iran actually got that one right.  Maybe we should try to thwart westernization too… 

NOT! 

The mullet is proof of the duality of the human soul. 

Thomas Edison is credited for the use of “hello” as the standard telephone greeting.  However, the inventor of the telephone, Alexander Graham Bell suggested “ahoy” as the standard phone greeting. 

2 things: 

First, I am so sick of Thomas Edison inventing everything.  We get it… you are an inventor.

Secondly, I like the way this Alexander Graham Bell guy thinks.  I suggest we start saying “ahoy” again.  No matter how crappy the reason for calling someone is, you’ll automatically feel happier after the person answers with “ahoy.”

Kongō Gumi Co., Ltd., a Japanese construction company, was the world’s oldest continuously ongoing independent company until it was absorbed as a subsidiary of a larger construction company in 2006.  The company began in 578 AD.  They primarily built Buddhist temples, but also built coffins in WWII.  Major foreshadowing.  They hit hard times after some poor real estate investments, and by 2006 they were $343 million in debt.  I bet it feels pretty miserable to be the guy in charge of losing a company that had lasted for over 1400 years.  Hopefully, he built some sturdy coffins because 1400 years of ancestors are going to haunt the crap out of him.

In 1942, duct tape was invented to seal ammunition cases during World War II.  Many etymologists believe that it was originally “duck” tape, stemming from its similar appearance to cotton duck, which is known as canvas for people outside the textile business.  I am not in the textile business, which is known as the “rag trade” in the UK and Australia.  I don’t remember what my original fact was.

President James Buchanan was the only president to have never married.  He also tried to buy Cuba from Spain in order to expand slavery.  To make him look like an even bigger loser, his presidency was followed by Abraham Lincoln’s.  Historians consider Buchanan one of the worst, if not the worst, president ever.  As of 2010, he still can’t get a wife.

What a loser.

The Anno Domini (A.D.) dating system was proposed in AD 525 by Dionysius Exiguus who wanted to replace the dating system of the Diocletian era as he felt it carried on the memory of Diocletian, who persecuted and oppressed Christians.  The last year of the Diocletian calendar 247 was immediately followed by AD 532.  Dionysius implied that Jesus’s incarnation had occurred 525 years earlier, without stating an exact year of birth.  The A.D. system wasn’t widely used until AD 800.  Birthdays were probably so confusing during those times.  In just one solar year, you could age 285 years on paper.  This stuff really hurts my brain.  But it’s interesting to know that no body ever cited year 28 as his birthday or anything like that.  I guess.

The first TV show to use a laugh track was the sitcom The Hank McCune Show in 1950.  I hate laugh tracks so much.  Usually, I don’t notice them.  But when I do, it’s the worst thing ever.  I really hate when the “audience” oohs and aaahs about some on-screen kiss.  Who are these people!?

Am I right, or am I right?

Oh man, I really wish there was some kind of literary laugh track…

(hahahahahahahahahahahahaha)

In the United States, the AWWA and the NFPA recommend painting the top of fire hydrants different colors depending on the available flow of water.  I did not look up what those acronyms stand for, but I trust them.  Anyway, from strongest water flow to weakest, the colors go from light blue, green, orange, and red.  If you live in a neighborhood with a fire hydrant that has a light blue bonnet, congrats! You are a badass!