Delaware is the only state without a national park.

I wasn’t del-aware of that.

I don’t know what’s worse.  That pun.  Or the post’s useless title.

Along with the Kodiak bear, the polar bear is the largest land predator.  As we’ve seen in documentaries and at Hollywood award shows, polar bears are not handling global warming so well.  Polar bears typically have up to 4 inches of blubber for insulation, so they start to overheat when temperatures rise above 50F (10C).  Their insulation is so intense that they are basically invisible under infrared photography.

This fact has taught me two things.

1. Global warming isn’t killing polar bears.  Polar bear obesity is killing polar bears.  If they lost some weight they wouldn’t be so hot all the time.

2. Polar bears join my growing list of animals that would make perfect criminals.

Prometheus was the nickname given to the oldest living, single organism— a Great Basin Bristlecone Pine tree found in eastern Nevada.  Judging by the growth rings, dendrologists figure the tree is about 4862 years old. Yes, the tree was cut down.  In 1964, a grad student came across the really old looking tree, so naturally he cut it down to see just how old it was.  Nice job, dude.  So if you were a grad student in 1964, you are probably in your 70s now.  Somewhere around there.  Maybe I will cut you in half and study you just to make sure.

This is oddly familiar to a previous post about the 400 year-old clam named Ming. 

I hope Ming and Prometheus are kicking it in old-organism heaven right now…haunting grad students.  Though, a really old clam and tree don’t seem too threatening.

A Snapple cap just told me that ‘Americans, on average, eat 18 acres of pizza a day.’   I maybe, maybe eat about 1 acre of pizza a day, definitely not 18.  I want them to bring me to this forest of pizza that we fatties are depleting so badly.  SAVE OUR PIZZA ACREAGE!

This is true. There is an organization called VHEMT (the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement) that wants, well, the voluntary extinction of humans.  VHEMT’s motto is “May we live long and die out.”  To paraphrase their objective, their website states that they will have succeeded when every human chooses to stop breeding, and Earth’s biosphere returns to its former glory.  Basically, it’s a radical environmental group composed of people who think humans are ruining the world, thus should stop having babies.  On their website, they admit that their goals are pretty lofty, but feel that it can be realistic down the road.  This is the biggest waste of time ever.  Dude, it didn’t work when you tried to cancel prom after not getting a date. Or when you tried to ban college after not getting accepted.  Or when you tried to prohibit people from owning dogs after you found out you were allergic.  Or when you tried to ban exercising once you got fat.  Or when you tried to outlaw lottery tickets when you didn’t win.  Or when you tried to outlaw sex because you couldn’t get laid.  Oh wait…