So, just when I thought it would be awesome to be Priapus (the Greek fertility god of yesterday’s post, who wielded a constant woody), I learned about the medical condition named after him: priapism.  Priapism is the painful condition in which the erect penis fails to return to its flaccid state within four hours, despite the absence of physical or psychological stimuli.

Priapism can create a blood clot in the penis which could lead to impotence or erectile dysfunction.

I’m pretty sure if I were Priapus, I would settle for erectile dysfunction.  At least  that way you could live a normal life.  Or in Priapus’s case, you wouldn’t have to worry about birds landing on it.

The idiomatic expression used to explain sex, “the birds and the bees,” is said to first appear in a Samuel Coleridge poem in 1825.  However, even earlier, Shakespeare mentions the copulating creatures in King Lear. 

Let me tell you something though; the way birds and bees have sex is neither pleasurable nor possible when dealing with humans. 

Trust me.

Civilizations have been using carrier pigeons to send messages for thousands of years. A lot of research has been done to figure out why these homing pigeons possess the ability to consistently navigate their way home.  We now know that different kinds of pigeons respond to different environmental cues.  Some pigeons navigate by sensing changes in earth’s magnetic field.  Some pigeons travel through olfactory navigation (sensing differences and changes in atmospheric odors).  And some pigeons even use man-made constructions such as roads and buildings to navigate.

I really want a carrier pigeon.  Someone needs to figure out how to get me one.  Then I can stop using this website and just have my carrier pigeons send these posts to everyone personally.  All 8 of you.

The white doves that are “set free” at some weddings are most likely just white homing pigeons.  Nice.  I don’t like pigeons.  They’re gross.  Might as well just release a bunch of white rats on my wedding day.

Geese and some other migratory birds fly in a V formation for a couple main reasons.  First, the V formation reduces the drag force that each bird encounters compared to the force he would feel flying solo.  In one study, the heart rates of pelicans was monitored.  It was found that a flock of 25 birds in formation can fly 70% farther than a single bird using the same amount of energy.  The second benefit of the V is communication.  All the birds can keep track of their fellow travelers.  This is the reason why I will train my family to move in a V formation when we go to amusement parks, airports or other crowded places.  Not to mention the benefits I will get from drafting off of my family members.  I will be able to walk 70% farther than if I was at Disneyland by myself.  And it would be 70% less depressing than being at Disneyland by myself.