Currently,  I am on vacation in Florida.  The place where I am staying considers itself a “resort.”  I thought resorts were supposed to be nice.  This place is the opposite of nice.  I wanted to really learn what separates resorts, hotels, motels, and inns so I hit up the dictionary.  According to dictionary.com, a resort is a place where people stay for relaxation and recreation.  A hotel is a commercial dwelling that often has restaurants, meeting rooms, stores, et cetera, which are open to the public.  An inn is typically a smaller hotel.  And a motel (motor + hotel) is a hotel that provides free parking for travelers, typically having rooms adjacent to an outside parking area.  So that’s the formal way to distinguish the types of lodging.  However, there are some basic questions you can ask yourself that will help you determine just what type of place you’re staying at.

1. Is there an entire 10&Under soccer team staying on your floor for a tournament?

2. Does the room smell like cigarettes?

3. Does the room smell like Taco Bell?

4. Are there chocolates on the pillows?

5. Are there chocolate-colored stains on the pillows?

6. In-room safe?

7. Feel safe in room?

8. Does the TV come with an outdated N64 controller?

9. Spa?

10. Hot tub with horny, hammered rednecks?

You can figure it out yourself.