I had to check out the competition, just to see how I’m doing.  I felt a lot better after I stumbled upon this gem of a ’fact’:  “Ostriches are often not taken seriously. They can run faster than horses, and the males can roar like lions.”       …Ostriches are often not taken seriously….  that’s a fact?  Did someone conduct a poll that asked, “Do you take ostriches seriously? Yes or No.”  I can imagine some guy thinking:  Gee, I take a lot of animals seriously.  I respect them, value their opinions, and base their worth off of how fast they can run and how loud they can roar.  But I don’t think an ostrich scores high in those departments.  So I don’t take them seriously.   Why does this guy’s fact website try to bring horses and lions down to the level of the ostrich.  

P.S. The American Quarter Horse can reach speeds of 50 mph.  The ostrich did not take the time trial seriously, and was disqualified.

The epicanthic fold is a skin fold of the upper eyelid that gives a large percentage of the world, including many East Asians, almond shaped eyes, in comparison to Caucasians’ (although given the relatively minute percentage of Caucasians in the world, it may be better to note how many Caucasians lack epicanthic folds).  It is hypothesized that the epicanthic fold is evolutionary as it protects the eyes from harsh UV rays, strong wind, and frigid temperatures.  To compensate for the lack of epicanthic fold, I have to wear mirrored goggles around all the time. 

A genericized trademark is a brand name that has become synonymous with the class of product iteslf.  A few well-known genericized trademarks that have lost their legal protection are yo-yo (originally trademarked by Duncan), zipper (originally trademarked by B.F. Goodrich), and trampoline (for the generic “rebound tumbler”).  A trademark becomes genericized typically after it achieves dominance in a specific market.  There are also trademarks that are still legally protected, even though their brand names have become colloquial.  This list includes Band-Aid (adhesive bandage), Crock-Pot (slow cooker), Kleenex (facial tissue), Rollerblades (in-line skates), and Styrofoam (extruded polystyrene foam).  I didn’t know Styrofoam was a brand name, I grew up just calling it extruded polystyrene foam. 

The Charlie Chaplin mustache, also known as the toothbrush mustache, or perhaps, (who are we kiddin’?) the Hitler mustache, was actually a popular style of facial hair in the 1920s.  The mustache pretty much lost its appeal as it became increasingly connected with Adolf Hitler.  It is rumored that Hitler wore the ‘stache because it properly fit under a gas-mask. Perhaps he should have ditched the gas-mask instead of ditching 66% of a normal mustache.   Hitler ruined a once totally acceptable style.  It’s similar to how hipsters ruined everything truckers, farmers, and old men in general like to wear. 

On July 11, 1804, Vice President Aaron Burr shot and killed Secretary of Treasury Alexander Hamilton in a duel (present day equivalent of Joe Biden killing Timothy Geithner).  The duel took place in New Jersey, because New York had outlawed dueling.  The bitter politicians arrived at the set location on separate boats.  Measures were taken so all witnesses could deny any wrong doing.  For example, the guns were concealed so all witnesses could legally claim that they saw no weapons.  Also during the actual duel, all other people present turned their backs so they also could legally declare that they saw no gun fire.  Everyone was very literal. During the duel itself, Hamilton took the first shot.  But he shot up in the air, possibly “throwing away his fire” as a sign of aborting the duel with honor.  Then, Burr shot Hamilton in the groin, as a sign of wanting to shoot Hamilton in the groin. 

The German title “Kaiser,” meaning emperor, along with the Russian Czar, derives from the Latin Emperors’ title of Caesar, from Gaius Julius Caesar.  As for Caesar, I found this little tidbit kind of funny:  In elementary school-style attempts to humiliate and degrade Caesar, his political opponents publicly questioned his sexuality, often claiming he had a homosexual affair with Nicodemes IV of Bithynia.  Sometimes he was even referred to as the Queen of Bithynia.  That’s hilarious for so many reasons.  First, it’s hilarious to hear people slinging mud at arguably one of history’s most influential leaders  Second, it’s funny how nothing ever changes. Politicians will always have homosexual affairs.

Maybe a lot of people know this, but I didn’t.  In baseball, if a fielder intentionally catches or even touches an in-play baseball with his hat, all runners and the batter advance 3 free bases.  I didn’t know this because I grew up in Kansas City with the MLB bottom-feeders, the Royals.  I thought every runner would advance 3 bases every time anyway.

The symbol for and (&) is called an ampersand.  The symbol is a combination of the letters in the word et, Latin for “and.”  Ampersand is a bastardization of the words “and per se and.”   Bastardization is such a great word.  Ampersand, you bastard.

When it comes to badass security guards, Paul Blart doesn’t come close to Frank Wills.  Wills was the security guard who uncovered the break-in at the Watergate office building that started the Watergate Scandal.  After this historic event, Wills’s story is a very sad one.  He quit his position as a security guard after he didn’t receive a pay raise for his actions.  He was later convicted of shoplifting, and eventually died well under the poverty line in 2000.  He did something very honorable.  He could have probably just blackmailed Nixon and his comrades into millions of dollars and could be living the life of luxury on some island somewhere.  But he didn’t.  He stuck it to the man.  Unfortunately, the man stuck it back to him, harder and more viciously.  When it comes to sticking it to people, the man is hard to outstick.

Synesthesia (in Greek, the joining of the senses) is a phenomenon in which activation of one sensory reaction involuntarily causes another.  I actually have this.  In my case, when I hear music, I often perceive a color as well.  I have iTunes playlists categorized by color.  There are various types of synesthesia, such as seeing letters or numbers as colors, some people can even taste sounds or colors. I also remember when I was a kid that certain street signs affected my mood.  But it could also be possible that my mom was dosing my juice boxes with LSD.

The idiomatic phrase “make no bones about it,” used to state a fact that allows no room for doubt, comes from 15th century England.  When people wanted to show their dissatisfaction with something, they would say that they “found bones in it,” referring to unwanted bones that could be found in soup.  If you had no bones in your soup, it was ingested without difficulty.  This also supports the stereotype that English food is miserable.

Margaret Sanger (1879-1966) was the founder of the American Birth Control League, which later became Planned Parenthood.  I gotta imagine she and her mom had an awkward relationship.  Mom, I hate you! You never do anything nice for me!  I bet you would have aborted me if I was born earlier and created the opportunity for me to be aborted!

I don’t really enjoy eating Chef Boyardee brand pasta crap, but I was curious about who this guy on the can really was.  He is Italian-American immigrant and chef, Ettore Boiardi.  Boiardi opened a restaurant in Cleveland, Ohio in 1924, and it became such a hit that he decided to sell the stuff on a wider scale.  Boiardi wanted Americans to be able to pronounce his name so he wrote it “Boyardee,” because he was proud of his Italian heritage.  Nothing says authentic Italian like Americanizing your name and mass producing cans of noodles mixed with ketchup.

As I detailed yesterday, the full moon has been said to incite odd behavior on earth.  Although science trumps this myth, the belief was extremely popular in the days of our ignorant ancestors.  Yesterday, I touched on the fact that the moon is also linked to women’s periods.  The word “menstruation” comes from the Latin mensis (month).  Mensis is derived from the Greek mene (moon), which is also the root of our words, moon and month, as the moon takes roughly a month to revolve around the earth.  People in the olden days were not big believers in coincidence. The moon had to be making girls bleed in…. you know what, I think I’ve said enough.  I’m going to go get some Purell.

Every 29.5 days, we witness a full moon.  I remember hearing that the full moon causes various wild phenomena on earth.  The Latin word for moon, luna, is the origin of the word “lunatic.”  In the 19th century, lawyers could argue “not guilty by reason of the full moon.” But in reality, there is no truth to this.  Recent studies have not found any significant evidence supporting the myth that the moon brings about odd behavior, e.g., increased criminal activity, suicides, psychiatric disorders.  It should be noted that the full moon exerts just as much gravity as the unseen new moon.  It’s all pseudoscience.  Period.  Speaking of periods, the moon is also linked to the female menstrual cycle. Gross.  I will fill you in tomorrow.